Thursday, March 7, 2013

MANLY




Today is one of those days. "One of what days?" You ask.
Well that's a silly question and you are silly for thinking it. Stop that.

I have been doing physics homework since eleven this morning and I HAVE to take a break. So I have decided to update the good old mantis blog. I think the last time I did a post was June of 2012! Wowsers I am terrible at this whole blog thing. Anyway better late than never right? Besides I have some really good inspiration for this post.

First off, a comic. Like always.  This time it came from pinterest. And here's a little golden tip for dudes. If you want to know what women want, sign up on pinterest and follow them. In my case you will find that I want a lot of food involving oreos, step-by-step instructions for stuff I will never actually do, ryan gosling, a wedding of some sort, and grumpy cat. WARNING: This comic may or may not have anything to do with the actual topic of this post. But I'm so awesome I'll figure out how to use it as a segway anyway. Watch me.

Pinned Image
AHAHAHA, AHAHAHA, AHAHAHA! < (read that again, except this time say it out-loud and pretend you are the guy on The Princess Bride who laughs a bunch and then falls over dead. Just do it, it will be fun I promise!)


So this morning I didn't need nobody to tell me to wake up! BAM! I actually woke up at a decent hour too. 5:30 am in fact. I'm doing what's called a "Lazy-man Iron Man", which is basically a lazy-man iron man. Oh I see now that I didn't really need to explain that.
Anyway a couple of friends and I have formed an early-morning running group and today we did nearly FIVE MILES!! bow-chika-wow-wow. Of course we had several walking breaks and my knees turned into jello as soon as I got home. Also when I got home I realized that I had forgotten to ask one of my male running friends if I could borrow a wrench to install a super girly basket on my new bike! Because, of course, all real men have wrenches. So I texted him and he was perfectly willing to come over and help me install the basket with his awesomely manly wrench. Except the basket didn't fit my bike so I'll be taking it back to Walmart tomorrow. boo

Schwinn Delmar Lady's Collapsible Bike Handlebar Basket
Do not buy this! It will RUIN YOUR LIFE!!! AHHHHH
After my friend left, I got a really sweet text message from another manly male friend, and THEN ANOTHER manly male friend called and asked me on a date! holy crap! What's with all this manliness coming my way?

If this keeps up I might be forced to start doing really feminine things, like wearing ruffles, matching my underwear, getting my nails done, and pretending I don't know how to use a fly-swatter! That'll be the day. "What will be the day?" you ask. Stop asking silly questions, I'm getting sick of it

As this was happening, I muttered under my breath quite mutteringly the following sentence, "Man, somebody must have found my "manly things that mature manly men do that make me think they are much more manly, mature, and marriageable" list and published it on the internet. naw probably not." but then I thought, "hey, what a GREAT IDEA!"


MANLY THINGS THAT MATURE MANLY MEN DO THAT MAKE ME THINK THEY ARE MUCH MORE MANLY, MATURE, AND MARRIAGEABLE:

1. Being male
2. Liking girls
3. Grilling meat
4. Giving me a compliment
5. Holding a current Temple recommend (and going)
6. Giving service
7. Doing your home teaching
8. Asking a girl, any girl, out on a date.
9. Asking ME out on a date! +50
10. Holding a baby
11. Lifting heavy things
12. Opening jars
13. Using a wrench
14. Using a wrench to fix something specifically for me :)
15. Using a wrench, shirtless, to fix something for me  :) +50
16. Starting a fire with a bow drill
17. Holding my hand
18. Talking about the gospel
19. Picking up trash, or taking out MY trash
20. Crying. Not because Bella chose Edward instead of Jacob. Rather, because Bertier gets hurt in Remember the Titans or because your Grandma passed away :(
21. Getting something for me off the top shelf (this doesn't happen much because I can usually get everything off the top shelf. but if by rare occurrence it does, you may give yourself fifty bonus manly points)
22. Building a shelter
23. Shooting a gun
24. Offering to give me a ride somewhere
25. Liking Harry Potter (Lord of the Rings and Star Wars MAY also be applicable here but it depends. You'll have to ask for more clarification if you really want to know)
26. Playing the guitar
27. Choosing to play old-school rock or country on the guitar rather than Jason Mraz to win me over. I'm thinking, any song featured on guitar hero, or any song by billy joel, Boston, Aerosmith, Pink Floyd, garth brooks, josh turner, keith urban, the Eagles, etc. "Why?"  you ask. Yet again, another silly question. If you really want to know go have my brother and my dad play the guitar for you and you'll see why.
28. Doing stuff for your mom
29. Making little kids giggle
30. Making me giggle
31. Making my dad giggle...???
32. Treating all girls with respect, kindness, and friendliness, whether you like them or not
33. Placing your hand on the small of my back as we walk through a crowd of people :)
34. Being humble
35. Being confident
36. Being humble, yet confident (you see what I did there??)
37. Reading the scriptures out loud in a manly vocie :)
38. Possessing a manly voice
39. Singing to elderly people
40. Singing in church even if you're bad at it
41. Quoting Monty Python
42. Speaking a foreign language
43. REPLYING TO MY TEXT MESSAGES DANGIT!
44. Having callussed hands
45. Smiling
46. Being really bad at writing poetry
47. Carrying my groceries or doing my dishes
48. Knowing a lot about something you like
49. Leaving my apartment before midnight without me asking
50. Being goofy and laughing at yourself
51. Being complete without me, but even better WITH me :)


Ladies, please comment with your additions. I'd love to know what manly things mature manly men do for you that make you think they are more mature, manly, and marriageable.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Provo

So... yesterday I moved back to Provo! YAY! I'm here for a fun summer semester of career exploration and P.E. classes. Hopefully by the time this is over I will have FINALLY figured out what I want to do with my life! Yeah I know, I probably should have been sure BEFORE I got into the nursing program... silly me

Anyway I am very excited to be back. I feel like provo is my home now, and anywhere else is just uncomfortable. The bubble is my kingdom :)

Of course there are things I don't like about Provo...

#1. Its nearly impossible to do missionary work. Sure, you can always be a missionary "through example", but I'm talking about real live "do you believe in God? Let me tell you about Him" stuff. I sometimes forget that there are other people out there besides Mormons. And the worst part about it is that I also sometimes forget how lucky I am to be a Mormon. But hey, more motivation to serve a mission right?

#2. For some reason the 22-year-old men I meet here seem to be way less mature than those I meet elsewhere. I honestly have no explanation for why this is.

#3. I can't wear my sports shorts and tank top to the gym without getting sent to hell by five hundred BYU students. Yes, I am aware of the fact that I just wrote an intensive post on why modesty is important. Let's just say I'm still working on the whole 'practice what you preach' thing

#4. EVERYBODY plays the guitar, EVERYBODY sings, and EVERYBODY plays the piano. I'm not as unique as I thought, and that hurts!

#5. WHEN WILL THE ROAD WORK END??????

#6. I can't go to the Temple on Saturday mornings without waiting in line for nearly 3 hours... (okay okay I suppose that's a good thing)

#7. It's nearly impossible to stay on a diet when all of your roommates have crushes on boys in the ward and want to bake them cookies or pie or cake or whatever so they make like 5 billion batches and all the left-overs get put in every area of the apartment that i just happen to walk by a LOT.

#8. Taking a picture for the ward directory is way too stressful here. There's just so much more pressure for it to look good.

#9. There are runners EVERYWHERE! It's so annoying. Stop running! I'm so sick of you runner people. I'm sick of avoiding you on my bike, I'm sick of trying not to hit you with my car, and I'm sick of having you pass me on the sidewalk when I'M running! (these sentiments also apply to engaged people)

#10. If you want awesome Provo social skills just memorize the following: "Where'd you serve your mission? What apartment are you in? What's your major? Are you dating anyone? Do you want to be? Where are you from? Oh really, what part? No way, my friend's brother's wife's cousin's hairdresser served her mission there! Are you going to ward prayer tonight?" repeat dialogue for every person you meet.

Yeah. Well that's all I can think of and I'm about to go to ward prayer so...until next time!

Saturday, June 16, 2012

A Different Kind of Integrity

I am writing this post at 12:45 am on June 16, 2012. So much has happened since my last post but its late and I'm tired and I don't feel like filling you in on all of it.
But here's a comic I came across earlier today that wasn't very funny at the time but seems to be extremely funny now. maybe thats cuz its almost 1am


anyway I was just thinking about life and food and stuff and I felt compelled to, instead of being responsible and going to bed, type up everything I've been thinking about so all 6 of my followers can read it and know exactly what's going on in my head :)

Let's start with what I did today.
I woke up at my great aunt Leah's house in north Salt Lake, ate some food, took a shower, left, drove to gateway bridal, looked at dresses, tried on dresses, left, drove to some other dress store, tried on some dresses, left, repeat 5 times.
This went on for hours. Dress after dress, store after store, until I even started trying on the strapless ones and convinced myself it wouldn't be THAT hard to add on sleeves. And then the little fashionista on my shoulder screamed NOOOOO Emily I refuse to let you wear an over-all dress AGAIN!!! And I came home empty-handed and angry.

Why is it so dang hard to find a modest dress that isn't poofy and doesn't have a square neckline that makes it look like a skirt with a t-shirt on top? WHY? I can see the perfect dress in my head, and I'm not Tony Bowls or Sheri Hill or anything but my idea of the perfect dress is pretty dang attractive and I can't figure out why top designers haven't started making all of their dresses look like MY DESIGN. Seriously. It's not hard to make one of those sexy, sleek jersey gowns have TWO long sleeves instead of just one. Or to take one of those big old latter-day-bride poofy dresses with the pretty sweetheart necklines and TAKE OUT THE POOF but leave the pretty neckline! I have never seen a dress like that in my life and I can't figure out why.

Okay okay, I found one. But guess how much it costs? You don't even want to know. More that what I'd get in scholarship money for winning the dang pageant that's for sure...
But you know what's even harder to figure out? Why I'm going all crazy about this when I could just buy my favorite gown and wear it, modest or not, for the evening gown competition like any other normal human being would.
Sometimes I really wonder why i bother. 
And sometimes I'm almost convinced NOT to bother anymore
But then something always happens that reminds me

This time it was last friday at Miss Idaho. I had bombed my interview and gotten so nervous for talent competition that my piano solo ended up sounding like mashed potatoes. Then, after seeing everyone in their swimsuits and evening gowns I realized my body wasn't anywhere close to where it needed to be to compete with the other girls in lifestyle and fitness, and my dress looked totally cheap compared to the others. My confidence was shot and I felt totally inadequate in every single area of competition. I remember feeling completely hopeless and wondering what the heck I was even doing there at Miss Idaho with 19 women who were totally in a different league. 
Finally, I went out on stage in my cute purple interview dress to answer the onstage question and, in spite of how awful everything had gone earlier that day, I rocked it! My answer was fluent, intelligent, and confident, and I should've been totally excited to have FINALLY done something right! but I wasn't. Instead I walked off that stage feeling guilty that my three younger cousins out in the audience, who looked up to me so much, had just seen me present myself to over a thousand people in a dress that didn't fit the standards of modesty given to me by the leaders of my church. It was cute, yes, and it had a very high neckline so in all reality I was showing less skin than most modest dresses show anyway. but it didn't cover my shoulders, and I know for a fact that if President Monson had been there that day there's no way in heck I would've walked out on that stage wearing that dress. I should have read the signs when two months earlier i tried to wear it to church but felt so uncomfortable I couldn't ever take my jacket off...

anyway the funny thing about this was that I was totally upset about how everything had gone competition-wise and in my mind there wasn't even a glimmer of hope left to hang on to -  and yet without realizing it I gave up the one thing that I actually DID have to hang on to - my convictions. Although I HAD been modest in every other area of competition, it wasn't complete because I had let my standards fall just a tiny bit in order to wear that dress I liked so much. And my cousins saw me do that. 
Maybe not everyone would agree that my dress was immodest and they might say that it was totally in line with the reasons why we've been given modesty guidelines in the first place (you know, SPIRIT of the law not letter...) but that's not the point -  the point was that I understood in that moment of guilt the impact that I was making on my little cousins' views about modesty and compromise and standing for what you believe in. So i decided right then that if I was going to be modest, I was gonna do it all the way and follow every little itty bitty rule as if my life depended on it. 
Because you never know who's watching you
and you never know who looks up to you more than anyone else
and you may not ever realize it when something that you do or say impacts them in a negative way (ooh that rhymed!)


We each have the ability to be an amazing influence on those around us, simply through example. Sure, they say that integrity is doing what's right even when no one is watching, but I think its also following commandments we may not fully understand, simply because you never know who IS watching. 

OBVIOUSLY...
I don't care if you believe in modesty or not or even if you have a totally different idea about what modesty IS. I care if you believe in what you BELIEVE in. If you're going to have convictions about something then have them and don't ever compromise them for anything, whatever they may be. I believe that the gospel of Jesus Christ was restored to this earth by a latter-day prophet and that part of living that gospel requires keeping the commandments we've been given. Modesty is one of them. And because I believe in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I believe in being modest. 

That being said, my quest for a modest, fashionable evening gown continues tomorrow... and if I don't find one then bring on the over-all's!!! :)


Sunday, February 12, 2012

TIS THE SEASON OF LOVE!

Funny Valentines Day

In case you aren't aware, Tuesday is Valentine's Day! YEEEESSSS!!! And can I just say I now know personally that February truly is the ultimate month of love. For real. Maybe not for me, but I did get to be cupid this year :) Which was LOADS of fun. 

Alright I need to confess something. I really don't like Valentine's Day at all. I've only ever NOT been single once in my life on V-day and I have to admit I've been bitter about the holiday ever since. I usually don't tell people that, though, because I don't want to seem like a desperate whiny single girl. But hey, maybe I AM! And if you had been through what I have in the last few days, you would be too. So don't judge me :)

That being said, here's a lovely little comic that sums up my Valentine's Day history:
 

bahaha just kidding I've never done this...just kidding maybe I have...just kidding no really I haven't...

Anyway I thought that was worthy of sharing.

Oh and I decided I want a puppy.

 


Wednesday, January 11, 2012

It's been a while...

Okay I admit I got pretty excited when I started this blog. I got so excited I wrote like, eight entries over the space of two weeks! My friends told me I was silly for starting a blog and that I wouldn’t keep it up, but I refused to believe them and insisted that I would be faithful to my praying mantis and conquer the universe with my blog!!!!!!!! This was me:


Whelp, they were right. Tis January, and the last post I did was WAAAAAAY back in October. Three months is a hecka long time my friends. And a lot has happened since then. I mean, A LOT.

So here’s a brief summary:

Halloween was awesome. I got my face painted!

Oh and me and my ‘boy’ friend (at the time) went to the Stake dance as Sandy and Danny from Grease! Woot! Skylar caught me practicing my hair-do...


And yes, I wore tight black pants and a leather jacket....be jealous… Actually don’t be jealous. We broke up the next day. But for the ward halloween party I went as a zombie prom queen. That was cool....


Oooooh then I found out I GOT INTO THE NURSING PROGRAM!!! Yaaaaaaay I felt like a total smarty-pants! Until I got a sixty-something on my Organic Chemistry test. Euphoria=gone. I was a wittle baby who got her candy taken away :(


We did lots of fun things in November... including ice skating...

video





And Tae-bo...

video




And singing....

video

And quoting movies...

video

And I don't know what this is called but we did it...

Uh... I also don't know what this is but apparently I did it...
What can I say? I like brooms!

Anyway my brodah also came home from his mission in November, so my roomies and I drove to Brigham City to paint a sign on the side of the freeway for him! Long story short – we got stuck in the mud, pulled over by the cops, lost in Salt Lake, and finally met up with my fresh return missionary brother around 2am. It was a lovely evening...







Then came Thanksgiving! Woohoo! I got to go home and be with my family for like, 2 weeks! Plus my brother had just come back so it was the first time in TWO YEARS we got to spend time together as a complete family. Oh and I forgot to mention the fact that my sister brought an amazing guy with her. (GO TIA!!!) Anyway it was a very much needed break and I loved spending it with the fam. 






After Thanksgiving we had a ward talent show!!! YAY!!! So I decided to write a parody of my own song that I wrote last year... it's called the Edward song :)

video

After the talent show we had one miserable week of school and then…get ready for it…FINALS!!!! (I wish you could see me dancing right now). And I’m not being sarcastic at all when I say that     very  excitedly   . I may be the only person you will ever know who absolutely ADORES finals week. I would probably marry it if it were male, Mormon, and taller than 6”2. (BTW If you are reading this and realize that I just described you, please look me up). Anyway finals week is awesome because you have no obligations except for your tests! And as soon as you’re finished, you feel like someone just handed you a million dollars. Or told you that you are secretly a princess. Or told you that you are destined to marry that perfect guy from your physiology class. Its such a relief! Plus you can build a finals fort like we did...




So during the week of finals, I made some major life-changing decisions:
1. I CHOPPED MY HAIR OFF!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! 
2. I decided to move from my beloved home at glenwood to a quieter, more ritzy condo called La Jolla
3. I took a job as a wilderness therapy field instructor for the Christmas break

How are these life-changing, might you ask? Well for one, chopping off my hair gave me a new sense of strength I didn’t know I had. Seriously. I feel like a new woman. And I feel like I can finally be free from the bonds of self-consciousness. Having next to no hair is hard at times because it forces you to just be who you are because you have nothing to hide behind. But that’s what I love most about it. Plus it takes like ten minutes to get ready in the morning!


And I get to do all sorts of fun things with it...
AHH! I just scared myself by looking at myself! But really though, my hair IS pretty cute...

uh...yeah...


Moving has changed my life too, and in a very similar way. I don’t know anyone in my ward, any of my neighbors, or even my roommates, so I have been forced to totally step out of my comfort zone the last week and meet BRAND NEW PEOPLE. Its freaking hard. But I’m glad I have to do it because its making me stronger ;)

And finally, the desert job. This was the most life-changing of all! I was really nervous to go out the first day because I knew it was going to be really cold… But I was totally wrong. It wasn’t cold, it was INSANELY FREEZING. I woke up one morning with toes as white as snow and I about died of a heart attack in fear of my toes falling off.  I slept in a fleece sleeping bag liner, a -20 degree mummy bag, and a wiggy overbag on top of that. Plus I had a steaming hot water bottle at my feet and most nights I STILL couldn’t keep warm. I bawled and bawled the first couple days and begged my supervisor to let me come home but he told me to stick it out and I sure am glad as heck that I did. Spending Christmas out there with ten amazing young women was pretty much the highlight of my life so far, and it makes me sick to think I might have missed it. 
(aww wasn’t that heart-warming?)


So yeah. That’s what’s happened the past couple of months. No, I am not dating anyone, yes, I am back in school, and yes, I love BYU and I love living in the bubble. Provo is my home.

As for right now, I just started my first semester in the nursing program and I am working as a model for BYU’s figure drawing classes (BEST JOB EVER). I just lost ten pounds and I feel healthier than brussel sprouts. Also, a cute boy asked me for my number today! Life is GOOD :D

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Update

I HAVE TAKEN CONTROL OF MY LIFE!!!

:) I say this because, after two weeks of skipping, I finally made it to my 8am class this morning. Yes, I know what you're thinking... ME = PURE AWESOMENESS. Thank you. Thank you. Granted, I did fall asleep a couple times during this class but hey, its a start!

Besides, I've gone to my organic chemistry class every day this week, which has never happened. evvvvvvveeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

In case you haven't noticed, I'm feeling pretty good about myself right now :)

Anyway, I decided to write this post to give you a lovely update on my life. The last two weeks have been...interesting. Let's just first say that I am really happy right now. Seriously, things couldn't be better. (well, they could, but if I said that then I would sound like a really ungrateful person...which I'm not...)

Halloween is coming up, which is a super fun and exciting thing for a college student like me. Its a chance to be a little kid again (or an old fart if that's what you choose) but its also one of the most stressful holidays for a young woman. We have to think of something to wear that isn't horrific or slutty but still looks cute. This is REALLY HARD!!! Take the movie, Mean Girls, for example.. According to Cady, "In girl-world, halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it." Of course Regina shows up to the halloween party as a bunny rabbit (classic) and Cady goes as an ugly dead bride. There is no in-between! This time around it has been especially hard because every idea I've had for a decent, cute halloween costume has already been used. I've been a cheerleader, an 80's rocker, a princess, little bo-peep, minnie mouse, dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, a gangster, a powerpuff girl, a cowgirl, a dancer, a baby, a pumpkin, cindy-lou-who, pippy longstocking and many others I can't remember right now. When I was like, 9, I was a french maid. HA! I was nine!! To this day I still don't understand why my mother let me out of the house in that costume...

Anyway, this year I finally decided to be Sandy from the musical Grease. My hair is the perfect length, and I plan on going to DI sometime today to get some leather pants, red heels, and a black top. I'm really excited, especially for the chance to create some insanely curly hair and wear it around like its totally normal. (seriously sometimes I wish I was in high school during the 80s. would've been SO FUN) Hopefully I will post pictures after its over. No guarantees though...

Besides worrying about a halloween costume, I've had one other major thing on my mind... The grades for my nursing application got sent in yesterday and sometime in the next two weeks I should be hearing back from the advisement center about whether I made it into the program or not! AHHHHHHH!!!!

Okay I'm not going to think about that anymore. I need to go buy some toilet paper. We've been using paper towels for the last week because none of us seem to have the motivation to refresh our toilet paper storage. Yesterday I flushed the toilet and it started overflowing and I didn't know what to do so I just started jumping up and down, screaming and giggling -  "Guys! Guys! The toilet is overflowing!! WHAT DO I DO?!" Finally my roommate came in and fixed it. She's smart...

Oh yeah speaking of being smart, on Tuesday I was playing racquetball and I hit myself in the face. Hard. Then like 5 min later I hit myself in the throat. Hard. Lol someone once told me that racquetball is the only sport where you can see the ball coming at you at 90mph and have it hit you in the back of the head at the same time. So true. I mean, I've definitely been hit before. It is not a rare occurrence. But to be the one who hits the ball that then hits you in the face...that's embarrassing. Racquetball is still super fun though...

OH MY GOSH funny story. Last night my roommates and I were all gathered into one room giggling about boys and other stuff...well okay, just boys...and somehow we started talking about the science of holding hands. Yes, it IS a science. Apparently there are even scientific NAMES for all the different ways you can hold hands. Waffle, pancake, hook, pinkied, and my favorite: premarital interdigitation. bahahaha. I figured there were probably even more that I didn't even know about so I decided to google it today and found this article:

(This is for all you hand holders who are looking for new ways to spice up your relationship... ;)


How To Hold Hands: Top 10 Different, Romantic Ways To Hold Hands


If you’re one of the many people out there who think that holding hands is a simple, boring routine that adds nothing to a marriage or romantic relationship, think again!  It’s time to stop worrying about public dispays of affection . . . and start learning how to hold hands! How To Hold Hands
Hand holding, if done correctly, can add a new dimension of intimacy and excitement to your romance . . . but only if you let it!  There are tons of romantic ideas to transform regular hand holding into a passionate, playful experience that can add a much-needed spark to your relationship from the very first caress.
That’s right: there’s more than one way to hold hands with your wife, husband, boyfriend or girlfriend . . . and lovers can find a unique method specially suited to add romance to any situation. Use the list below to come up with your own romantic ideas for holding hands with your sweetheart, but don’t stop there!  Combine techniques, experiment and come up with your own hand holding ideas specially suited to your unique romantic relationship.

Top Ten Hand Holding Techniques


1. The Passive Hand Hold
This is hand holding in its simplest form: your sweetheart’s hand gently but firmly cupped in yours.  It’s most appropriate for public environments where you want to remain tasteful and avoid looking “clingy,” but is still a great, effective way to add physicality to your romantic relationship.


2. The Intertwined Fingers Hand Hold
A step up from the Passive Hand Hold, Intertwined Fingers provides a firmer grip and an increased sense of intimacy.  This type of hand holding is perfect while taking a romantic walk together, but it can have a downside of sweaty palms!


3. The One-Finger Hand Hold
Holding just one of your lover’s fingers is a more romantically playful method for times when you’re feeling flirtatious.  This is the easiest hand hold for your sweetheart to pull away from, but is still a great way to add some fun intimacy to the mix.


4. The Massaging Hand Hold
Turning a simple hand-holding session into a relaxing massage is a wonderful romantic surprise to give your sweetheart.  There’s an art to romantic massage, and an unlimited number of ways you can caress your lover’s hands and give attention to each finger. This hand-holding method is best used while sitting down!


5 The Two-Hand Hold
Here’s another technique that is tough to do while standing, but one of the best ways to add some serious physicality and intimacy to hand holding.  Taking your sweetheart’s hand in both of yours will give them a deep sense of security, importance and calm.


6. The Palm Caress Hand Hold
This method is an intimate, secret way to tastefully caress your lover without being noticed by others around you.  Starting with the Passive or Intertwined Fingers technique, use one of your fingers to gently rub your sweetheart’s palm in an up-and-down or swirling fashion.


7. The Kissing Hand Hold
The Kissing Hand Hold is perfect for intimate situations when you’re alone with your special someone, and is often combined with the Two-Hand Hold.  Clean hands are perfect for kissing, and you should never be afraid to shower your lover’s fingertips, palms and wrists with romantic pecks!


8. The Gentle Pinching Hand Hold
This one isn’t right for every romantic relationship, and can be a little too playful and rough for some couples. But gently pinching your lover’s fingertips and palms, if done correctly, can be an exciting, fun experience for you and your sweetheart, as long as you make sure you don’t do it too hard.


9. The Warm-Up Hand Hold
When it’s cold outside, there’s no better way to warm up your fingers than by having them caressed and rubbed lovingly by your favorite person in the world.  Don’t make your sweetheart use a heater when you have two perfectly good, warm hands to help them out!  Combine this technique with the Massaging Hand Hold for a great effect.


10. The The Morse-Code Hand Hold
This is the most unorthodox and interactive hand-holding technique, but can be a heck of a lot of fun if you and your lover can master it.  Agree ahead of time of a phrase that you want to share with each other silently–such as “I love you”–and assign it a number of squeezes that correspond with the syllables in the phrase.  Your sweetheart will remember that when you squeeze three times it means “I-love-you” . . . and can respond with a four-squeeze “I-love-you-too”!




HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHHHHAAAHHAHAHHAHAAHHHAHHAHAHA


gentle pinching? morse-code?


who would've thought...

Moral of this post: for halloween you and your sweetheart should dress up as racquetball-playing nursing students with plungers

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Language: a Lost Art

So about a month ago my roommate and I were watching a lovely movie called Much Ado About Nothing. Well it would have been lovely, if it weren't for the bits of nudity here and there in the beginning, a raunchy 'you know what' scene in the middle, and a hero who physically and verbally abuses his bride in the end. Alright i admit it really wasn't lovely at all. In fact it was quite horrifying. 

However there is one thing I can say I absolutely loved about this little re-enactment of Shakespeare's play: the language. It is such an art! I'm a big fan of period movies...(partly because they are some of the greatest chick-flicks ever made) but mostly because I love listening to the way they spoke back then. Our language today is so bland and un-creative. Humorous, yes, but not witty.

We don't even know the meaning of wit....

"He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man; and he that is more than a youth is not for me, and he that is less than a man, I am not for him." - Beatrice from Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing
What we would say today instead: I'm too good for any man


Or romance...

"How can you, of all people, dispose of yourself without affection?" - Tom Lefory
"How can I dispose of myself with it? You are leaving tomorrow." - Jane Austen from Becoming Jane
What we would say today instead: Why are you getting hitched when you hate that dude? - Tom. I like you - Jane

Or loathing...

"Did I just agree to dance with Mr. Darcy?" - Elizabeth
"I daresay you will find him to be very amiable." - Charlotte
"That would be most inconvenient since I have sworn to loathe him for eternity." - Elizabeth from Pride and Prejudice
What we would say today instead: I'm blind and can't see how smoking hott Mr. Darcy is so I will pretend to hate him


Seriously, who is smart enough to talk like that anymore? Nobody! well except Lil Jon of course...





Haha. Sometimes I just wish we could go back to the good old days, when all people did was sit around conversing with visitors, eating good food, and becoming 'accomplished' in the arts of language and music! Oh how lovely that would be! (especially the eating good food part)


moral of this post: Lil Jon is a pimp