It's been a while...

Okay I admit I got pretty excited when I started this blog. I got so excited I wrote like, eight entries over the space of two weeks! My friends told me I was silly for starting a blog and that I wouldn’t keep it up, but I refused to believe them and insisted that I would be faithful to my praying mantis and conquer the universe with my blog!!!!!!!! This was me:

Whelp, they were right. Tis January, and the last post I did was WAAAAAAY back in October. Three months is a hecka long time my friends. And a lot has happened since then. I mean, A LOT.

So here’s a brief summary:

Halloween was awesome. I got my face painted!

Oh and me and my ‘boy’ friend (at the time) went to the Stake dance as Sandy and Danny from Grease! Woot! Skylar caught me practicing my hair-do...

And yes, I wore tight black pants and a leather jacket....be jealous… Actually don’t be jealous. We broke up the next day. But for the ward halloween party I went as a zombie prom queen. That was cool....

Oooooh then I found out I GOT INTO THE NURSING PROGRAM!!! Yaaaaaaay I felt like a total smarty-pants! Until I got a sixty-something on my Organic Chemistry test. Euphoria=gone. I was a wittle baby who got her candy taken away :(

We did lots of fun things in November... including ice skating...

And Tae-bo...

And singing....

And quoting movies...

And I don't know what this is called but we did it...

Uh... I also don't know what this is but apparently I did it...

What can I say? I like brooms!

Anyway my brodah also came home from his mission in November, so my roomies and I drove to Brigham City to paint a sign on the side of the freeway for him! Long story short – we got stuck in the mud, pulled over by the cops, lost in Salt Lake, and finally met up with my fresh return missionary brother around 2am. It was a lovely evening...

Then came Thanksgiving! Woohoo! I got to go home and be with my family for like, 2 weeks! Plus my brother had just come back so it was the first time in TWO YEARS we got to spend time together as a complete family. Oh and I forgot to mention the fact that my sister brought an amazing guy with her. (GO TIA!!!) Anyway it was a very much needed break and I loved spending it with the fam. 

After Thanksgiving we had a ward talent show!!! YAY!!! So I decided to write a parody of my own song that I wrote last year... it's called the Edward song :)

After the talent show we had one miserable week of school and then…get ready for it…FINALS!!!! (I wish you could see me dancing right now). And I’m not being sarcastic at all when I say that     very  excitedly   . I may be the only person you will ever know who absolutely ADORES finals week. I would probably marry it if it were male, Mormon, and taller than 6”2. (BTW If you are reading this and realize that I just described you, please look me up). Anyway finals week is awesome because you have no obligations except for your tests! And as soon as you’re finished, you feel like someone just handed you a million dollars. Or told you that you are secretly a princess. Or told you that you are destined to marry that perfect guy from your physiology class. Its such a relief! Plus you can build a finals fort like we did...

So during the week of finals, I made some major life-changing decisions:

1. I CHOPPED MY HAIR OFF!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! 

2. I decided to move from my beloved home at glenwood to a quieter, more ritzy condo called La Jolla

3. I took a job as a wilderness therapy field instructor for the Christmas break

How are these life-changing, might you ask? Well for one, chopping off my hair gave me a new sense of strength I didn’t know I had. Seriously. I feel like a new woman. And I feel like I can finally be free from the bonds of self-consciousness. Having next to no hair is hard at times because it forces you to just be who you are because you have nothing to hide behind. But that’s what I love most about it. Plus it takes like ten minutes to get ready in the morning!

And I get to do all sorts of fun things with it...

AHH! I just scared myself by looking at myself! But really though, my hair IS pretty cute...

uh...yeah...

Moving has changed my life too, and in a very similar way. I don’t know anyone in my ward, any of my neighbors, or even my roommates, so I have been forced to totally step out of my comfort zone the last week and meet BRAND NEW PEOPLE. Its freaking hard. But I’m glad I have to do it because its making me stronger ;)

And finally, the desert job. This was the most life-changing of all! I was really nervous to go out the first day because I knew it was going to be really cold… But I was totally wrong. It wasn’t cold, it was INSANELY FREEZING. I woke up one morning with toes as white as snow and I about died of a heart attack in fear of my toes falling off.  I slept in a fleece sleeping bag liner, a -20 degree mummy bag, and a wiggy overbag on top of that. Plus I had a steaming hot water bottle at my feet and most nights I STILL couldn’t keep warm. I bawled and bawled the first couple days and begged my supervisor to let me come home but he told me to stick it out and I sure am glad as heck that I did. Spending Christmas out there with ten amazing young women was pretty much the highlight of my life so far, and it makes me sick to think I might have missed it. 

(aww wasn’t that heart-warming?)

So yeah. That’s what’s happened the past couple of months. No, I am not dating anyone, yes, I am back in school, and yes, I love BYU and I love living in the bubble. Provo is my home.

As for right now, I just started my first semester in the nursing program and I am working as a model for BYU’s figure drawing classes (BEST JOB EVER). I just lost ten pounds and I feel healthier than brussel sprouts. Also, a cute boy asked me for my number today! Life is GOOD :D

Update

I HAVE TAKEN CONTROL OF MY LIFE!!!

:) I say this because, after two weeks of skipping, I finally made it to my 8am class this morning. Yes, I know what you're thinking... ME = PURE AWESOMENESS. Thank you. Thank you. Granted, I did fall asleep a couple times during this class but hey, its a start!

Besides, I've gone to my organic chemistry class every day this week, which has never happened. evvvvvvveeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

In case you haven't noticed, I'm feeling pretty good about myself right now :)

Anyway, I decided to write this post to give you a lovely update on my life. The last two weeks have been...interesting. Let's just first say that I am really happy right now. Seriously, things couldn't be better. (well, they could, but if I said that then I would sound like a really ungrateful person...which I'm not...)

Halloween is coming up, which is a super fun and exciting thing for a college student like me. Its a chance to be a little kid again (or an old fart if that's what you choose) but its also one of the most stressful holidays for a young woman. We have to think of something to wear that isn't horrific or slutty but still looks cute. This is REALLY HARD!!! Take the movie, Mean Girls, for example.. According to Cady, "In girl-world, halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it." Of course Regina shows up to the halloween party as a bunny rabbit (classic) and Cady goes as an ugly dead bride. There is no in-between! This time around it has been especially hard because every idea I've had for a decent, cute halloween costume has already been used. I've been a cheerleader, an 80's rocker, a princess, little bo-peep, minnie mouse, dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, a gangster, a powerpuff girl, a cowgirl, a dancer, a baby, a pumpkin, cindy-lou-who, pippy longstocking and many others I can't remember right now. When I was like, 9, I was a french maid. HA! I was nine!! To this day I still don't understand why my mother let me out of the house in that costume...

Anyway, this year I finally decided to be Sandy from the musical Grease. My hair is the perfect length, and I plan on going to DI sometime today to get some leather pants, red heels, and a black top. I'm really excited, especially for the chance to create some insanely curly hair and wear it around like its totally normal. (seriously sometimes I wish I was in high school during the 80s. would've been SO FUN) Hopefully I will post pictures after its over. No guarantees though...

Besides worrying about a halloween costume, I've had one other major thing on my mind... The grades for my nursing application got sent in yesterday and sometime in the next two weeks I should be hearing back from the advisement center about whether I made it into the program or not! AHHHHHHH!!!!

Okay I'm not going to think about that anymore. I need to go buy some toilet paper. We've been using paper towels for the last week because none of us seem to have the motivation to refresh our toilet paper storage. Yesterday I flushed the toilet and it started overflowing and I didn't know what to do so I just started jumping up and down, screaming and giggling -  "Guys! Guys! The toilet is overflowing!! WHAT DO I DO?!" Finally my roommate came in and fixed it. She's smart...

Oh yeah speaking of being smart, on Tuesday I was playing racquetball and I hit myself in the face. Hard. Then like 5 min later I hit myself in the throat. Hard. Lol someone once told me that racquetball is the only sport where you can see the ball coming at you at 90mph and have it hit you in the back of the head at the same time. So true. I mean, I've definitely been hit before. It is not a rare occurrence. But to be the one who hits the ball that then hits you in the face...that's embarrassing. Racquetball is still super fun though...

OH MY GOSH funny story. Last night my roommates and I were all gathered into one room giggling about boys and other stuff...well okay, just boys...and somehow we started talking about the science of holding hands. Yes, it IS a science. Apparently there are even scientific NAMES for all the different ways you can hold hands. Waffle, pancake, hook, pinkied, and my favorite: premarital interdigitation. bahahaha. I figured there were probably even more that I didn't even know about so I decided to google it today and found this article:

(This is for all you hand holders who are looking for new ways to spice up your relationship... ;)

How To Hold Hands: Top 10 Different, Romantic Ways To Hold Hands

If you’re one of the many people out there who think that holding hands is a simple, boring routine that adds nothing to a marriage or romantic relationship, think again!  It’s time to stop worrying about public dispays of affection . . . and start learning how to hold hands!
Hand holding, if done correctly, can add a new dimension of intimacy and excitement to your romance . . . but only if you let it!  There are tons of romantic ideas to transform regular hand holding into a passionate, playful experience that can add a much-needed spark to your relationship from the very first caress.
That’s right: there’s more than one way to hold hands with your wife, husband, boyfriend or girlfriend . . . and lovers can find a unique method specially suited to add romance to any situation. Use the list below to come up with your own romantic ideas for holding hands with your sweetheart, but don’t stop there!  Combine techniques, experiment and come up with your own hand holding ideas specially suited to your unique romantic relationship.

Top Ten Hand Holding Techniques


1. The Passive Hand Hold
This is hand holding in its simplest form: your sweetheart’s hand gently but firmly cupped in yours.  It’s most appropriate for public environments where you want to remain tasteful and avoid looking “clingy,” but is still a great, effective way to add physicality to your romantic relationship.


2. The Intertwined Fingers Hand Hold
A step up from the Passive Hand Hold, Intertwined Fingers provides a firmer grip and an increased sense of intimacy.  This type of hand holding is perfect while taking a romantic walk together, but it can have a downside of sweaty palms!


3. The One-Finger Hand Hold
Holding just one of your lover’s fingers is a more romantically playful method for times when you’re feeling flirtatious.  This is the easiest hand hold for your sweetheart to pull away from, but is still a great way to add some fun intimacy to the mix.


4. The Massaging Hand Hold
Turning a simple hand-holding session into a relaxing massage is a wonderful romantic surprise to give your sweetheart.  There’s an art to romantic massage, and an unlimited number of ways you can caress your lover’s hands and give attention to each finger. This hand-holding method is best used while sitting down!


5 The Two-Hand Hold
Here’s another technique that is tough to do while standing, but one of the best ways to add some serious physicality and intimacy to hand holding.  Taking your sweetheart’s hand in both of yours will give them a deep sense of security, importance and calm.


6. The Palm Caress Hand Hold
This method is an intimate, secret way to tastefully caress your lover without being noticed by others around you.  Starting with the Passive or Intertwined Fingers technique, use one of your fingers to gently rub your sweetheart’s palm in an up-and-down or swirling fashion.


7. The Kissing Hand Hold
The Kissing Hand Hold is perfect for intimate situations when you’re alone with your special someone, and is often combined with the Two-Hand Hold.  Clean hands are perfect for kissing, and you should never be afraid to shower your lover’s fingertips, palms and wrists with romantic pecks!


8. The Gentle Pinching Hand Hold
This one isn’t right for every romantic relationship, and can be a little too playful and rough for some couples. But gently pinching your lover’s fingertips and palms, if done correctly, can be an exciting, fun experience for you and your sweetheart, as long as you make sure you don’t do it too hard.


9. The Warm-Up Hand Hold
When it’s cold outside, there’s no better way to warm up your fingers than by having them caressed and rubbed lovingly by your favorite person in the world.  Don’t make your sweetheart use a heater when you have two perfectly good, warm hands to help them out!  Combine this technique with the Massaging Hand Hold for a great effect.


10. The The Morse-Code Hand Hold
This is the most unorthodox and interactive hand-holding technique, but can be a heck of a lot of fun if you and your lover can master it.  Agree ahead of time of a phrase that you want to share with each other silently–such as “I love you”–and assign it a number of squeezes that correspond with the syllables in the phrase.  Your sweetheart will remember that when you squeeze three times it means “I-love-you” . . . and can respond with a four-squeeze “I-love-you-too”!




HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHHHHAAAHHAHAHHAHAAHHHAHHAHAHA


gentle pinching? morse-code?


who would've thought...

Moral of this post: for halloween you and your sweetheart should dress up as racquetball-playing nursing students with plungers

Language: a Lost Art

So about a month ago my roommate and I were watching a lovely movie called Much Ado About Nothing. Well it would have been lovely, if it weren't for the bits of nudity here and there in the beginning, a raunchy 'you know what' scene in the middle, and a hero who physically and verbally abuses his bride in the end. Alright i admit it really wasn't lovely at all. In fact it was quite horrifying. 

However there is one thing I can say I absolutely loved about this little re-enactment of Shakespeare's play: the language. It is such an art! I'm a big fan of period movies...(partly because they are some of the greatest chick-flicks ever made) but mostly because I love listening to the way they spoke back then. Our language today is so bland and un-creative. Humorous, yes, but not witty.

We don't even know the meaning of wit....

"He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man; and he that is more than a youth is not for me, and he that is less than a man, I am not for him." - Beatrice from Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing
What we would say today instead: I'm too good for any man

Or romance...

"How can you, of all people, dispose of yourself without affection?" - Tom Lefory

"How can I dispose of myself with it? You are leaving tomorrow." - Jane Austen from Becoming Jane
What we would say today instead: Why are you getting hitched when you hate that dude? - Tom. I like you - Jane

Or loathing...

"Did I just agree to dance with Mr. Darcy?" - Elizabeth

"I daresay you will find him to be very amiable." - Charlotte

"That would be most inconvenient since I have sworn to loathe him for eternity." - Elizabeth from Pride and Prejudice
What we would say today instead: I'm blind and can't see how smoking hott Mr. Darcy is so I will pretend to hate him

Seriously, who is smart enough to talk like that anymore? Nobody! well except Lil Jon of course...

Haha. Sometimes I just wish we could go back to the good old days, when all people did was sit around conversing with visitors, eating good food, and becoming 'accomplished' in the arts of language and music! Oh how lovely that would be! (especially the eating good food part)


moral of this post: Lil Jon is a pimp

CLARIFICATION

For all of you nice guys who read my post entitled "what women want...." I need to clarify something. It may be true that many of us women are dumb and can't see you for the amazing partners you have the potential to be, but this doesn't mean you should change and become more 'jerkish'.

PLEASE DON'T DO THIS!!!

Eventually we will grow up and finally realize how awesome you are and we will come running, no, stampeding in your direction. For the time being, just be patient with our hormones and don't take it too personally when we ditch you for a guy who doesn't care about us anyway. (If you get bored might I suggest focusing on your culinary skills? Women love chocolate cake...)

In Honor of Halloween

Jumbledness

Today's post may be quite depressing. If you don't like hearing people complain or talk about how miserable their life is then please do not continue.

Ah fine I guess I will go ahead and tell you 

I just got done with a lovely 2hr phone session with my parents. It started out with me being super rude to my mom, then I started crying because I felt bad, then I started crying even worse because of how awful my life is, and finally it ended with me telling my parents how grateful I am for them and everything else I've been given.

Dang why are girls so emotional? Here I sit, thinking I'm immune to the effects of hormones and then stuff like this happens. Without my consent! Granted, I did only get like 3 hours of sleep last night because I stayed up until 4 in the morning watching Beauty and the Beast (I can't even begin to express how much I adore that movie) and talking to my roommate about our love adventures. Probably shouldn't have done that.

This is me. Right now

Anyway I guess this isn't going to be a sad post after all. I think I just said that in the beginning because I was depressed when I started it. But at the moment I am actually quite happy. My head is pounding, my eyes are puffy, I just freaked my roommates out with my loud emotional display targeted at my parents, I have an impossible organic chemistry test today that I haven't spent a minute studying for, I'm still in the clothes I wore yesterday, and I can't seem to find the motivation to stop blogging and go fix my makeup. I think I will take a nap actually. Yeah that sounds really great...

You know what's really frustrating? When you say good night to all your friends at like 11:30 because you are determined to go to bed early, and then somehow you still don't make it to the mattress until 4am! Actually I didn't even make it to the mattress last night. I slept on the couch. And then I woke up on the floor. (This seems to happen a lot and I have yet to figure out how...) Seriously though, I tell myself every day that THIS will be the day I get my life under control. THIS will be the day I go to bed before midnight. THIS will be the day I spend my free time studying instead of writing silly posts for my silly blog. But it never happens. WHAT IS WITH THAT!?!?

My mother told be about this. So true

Let me demonstrate the level of irresponsibility I have reached. On Thursday I set my alarm for 6:30, didn't wake up until 8:30, went back to sleep until 11:00 and thus missed my 8am class and my 9:30am class. Then I got ready, did some homework, and went outside in the rain to get my bike so I could ride to my 1pm class. But lo and behold, it was covered in water! The seat literally had a mini pond on it. This was so deflating that the only thing I could possibly do was go back inside and skip that class too. 

So I went in my room, got on facebook, ate some food (this is what I do when I'm too tired to do anything else), stalked some people, played the guitar, listened to music, and then decided that I was being extremely idle so I studied for my anatomy quiz. That lasted like, 5 minutes. (go me!)

At this point I felt so guilty about not getting anything done that I became extremely lonely and depressed, so of course I ate some more food. When that didn't help I jumped in the car and started driving. I blasted my church music through the car stereo (like any true Mormon rocker would) and let the wind guide me to where I was supposed to go. 

Anyway I ended up at squaw peak and guess what? I missed my 4:00 class. What a glorious day that was.

I don't really know why I told you that. This isn't facebook so there's really no need for me to give you an exact rundown of everything I did that day. Oh well, my 1pm class is coming up so I better go before I miss it. Unless its raining of course

moral of this post: 

there really isn't one

What women want. okay maybe just what I want

Speaking of mothers-in-law, I apparently met mine last month. See my mom met this other mom whose son is serving in the same mission as my brother. Naturally my mom told her all about me and how I would be so great for her son. (I am constantly being set up by my mom, fyi. actually, no, by everybody) So I finally met the lovely lady at a missionary moms group dinner last month, and dang she is a total sweetheart! I thought mothers-in-law were supposed to be witches! Anyway we talked and she loved me of course and then I got roped into writing her son a letter and now I'm waiting for his awkward reply that will probably go something like this:

Dear Billie Jean,
I don't know you. Why did you write me? My mother is crazy. I don't have time to write girls on my mission. Your picture is ugly. Please don't write me back.

But I had to write him, because maybe, just maybe, his reply will be more like this:

Dear Billie Jean,
What a beautiful name that is. Billie Jean....I could just say it all day long. My mother is amazing for setting us up. Right now I must focus on the mission, but I have received revelation that we were meant to be together, so please continue writing me. Your picture is beautiful. Like an angel. P.S. I'm 6"4, I play every instrument, every sport, I love camping, I love the gospel, I love visiting the elderly, and I'm going to be a doctor. 


Love, Elder So and so

Bah. Isn't that what every girl wants? No not really. Because if we all really wanted a guy like that to send us a mushy letter like that then all of the jerks in the world would be single and the nice guys would be taken. Sadly it is just the opposite.

We may think we want a nice guy, but really we want a "stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking Nerf herder", as Princess Leia would put it. And I'm pretty sure no one will argue with me when I say that Han Solo is freaking sexy.

This is why I think women are dumb as heck. (Leia kissed her brother for crying out loud!) We claim that we would just be so happy if only we had a kind, faithful, generous, sweet, open, gentle, caring man to hold our hand and rub our shoulders after a stressful day. Well HELLO. There are guys like that all around us and everyone knows they are not the ones we go for. 


Let me give you a lovely personal example to demonstrate. 


My first boyfriend ever (well sort of)
Let's call him Mr. Musical.
This was my sophomore year of high school. I wasn't 16 yet, so i couldn't technically have a boyfriend. Mr. Musical and I started instant messaging after i stole his email address from my brother (they were xbox live halo buddies). We really hit it off. Well, as much as you can with chatting. He was also in my english class and sometimes he said hi to me, and sometimes I laughed at his jokes. 


Mr. Musical was the first boy I ever liked who actually liked me back. I was thrilled! He was everything I ever wanted. Smart, funny, talented, handsome, sweet, nice to his sister, never cussed or told dirty jokes...sigh. He also played the drums for my jazz choir. Sigh again. After about a month of chatting online we started talking to each other in class and then he started inviting me to hang out with him and walking me to my car and giving me rides home etc. and everything was going great...


Until valentines day. yay. First time I had ever NOT been single on this horrible holiday. When I got to school i opened my locker to find a stuffed animal, a poem, flowers, and a big heart-shaped box filled with dark chocolates (my favorite). At first i was pleasantly surprised. And then I realized I hadn't gotten him anything. (I know I know I am a horrible person) After first period Mr. Musical came up to me and asked if I liked his gifts. I told him they were great and I started to explain to him that i forgot to get him anything but he cut me off and told me to follow him somewhere. He took me to his locker and opened it up and inside was a vase full of all different colors of roses. it was beautiful. and it was the death of our relationship.


i went home that day thinking, oh my goodness he is such a sap, he likes me way more than i like him, I've totally got him wrapped around my finger, how in the heck am I going to get rid of him?


See like many girls, I've played the game. At first the goal is to win him over, make him like you. But once you've won, its boring because there's no challenge or mystery. So then the game turns evil and the goal is to get rid of him. The sad part is that nice guys are especially vulnerable to these mind games.

(on a side note, the title of my blog is extremely relevant to this topic. If you know anything about female praying mantises then you know exactly what I'm talking about)


Anyway, the point is that I thought I wanted Mr. Musical to write me poems and give me flowers and chocolates on valentines day but to be honest that is the reason why i broke up with him. I thought i wanted someone to adore me and only me but in reality I wanted someone to ignore me, adore me, ignore me adore me, ignore me, adore me, and so on. Its the only way I would stay interested. And that is the definition of a jerk. 


So maybe at this point I should clarify that not all women are this way. In fact, I'm not even sure MOST women are this way. I'm only sure that I'M this way and I hate it. It happens over and over again too. I think I like someone and I date them and then suddenly, as soon as I am certain they like me and only me, I'm not interested anymore. Its ridiculous. Especially because I've dated a lot of really awesome guys.


Well I think I'm getting really off topic here. So to wrap it up, I'm going to name a few ways that guys can be "nice" but still keep a girl interested like a jerk would (this is so i feel somewhat useful in writing this post):




1. He talks to other girls besides me. This is a big one. I hate it when a guy is interested in me and will talk to only me all the time and then when I reject him and he starts liking my roommate he stops talking to me at all and only talks to my roommate. Its not because I'm jealous, I promise. I just think it is super dumb to ignore anyone. ever. If he talks to other girls too it shows that he cares about people in general, which is really awesome, and it also kind of keeps me interested because I know he's not obsessing over me all the time. 


2. He wont sacrifice important things just to hang out with me. This shows he is responsible and that I am not the ONLY thing on his mind, which, once again, will keep me interested. Besides, love should make you do better in life, not worse.


3. He is a gentleman to EVERY girl. I love when a guy opens the door for me or places his hand on the small of my back to guide me through a crowd of people. But I love it even more when he is willing to give every girl that courtesy, just because she is a woman and she deserves it. 


4. He talks about other things besides me, our relationship, dating in general, marriage, or flirting. For example, his career. I think it is so sexy when a guy has a passion for what he's studying or what he wants to become. It shows he has plans for his life and that he is confident and happy with himself and where he's going. He doesn't need me to complete him, because he is already complete. He just needs me to make him even better ;)


okay that's all I can come up with at the moment. Man this was a really long post...