Dear Billie Jean,
I don't know you. Why did you write me? My mother is crazy. I don't have time to write girls on my mission. Your picture is ugly. Please don't write me back.
But I had to write him, because maybe, just maybe, his reply will be more like this:
Dear Billie Jean,
What a beautiful name that is. Billie Jean....I could just say it all day long. My mother is amazing for setting us up. Right now I must focus on the mission, but I have received revelation that we were meant to be together, so please continue writing me. Your picture is beautiful. Like an angel. P.S. I'm 6"4, I play every instrument, every sport, I love camping, I love the gospel, I love visiting the elderly, and I'm going to be a doctor.
Love, Elder So and so
Bah. Isn't that what every girl wants? No not really. Because if we all really wanted a guy like that to send us a mushy letter like that then all of the jerks in the world would be single and the nice guys would be taken. Sadly it is just the opposite.
We may think we want a nice guy, but really we want a "stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking Nerf herder", as Princess Leia would put it. And I'm pretty sure no one will argue with me when I say that Han Solo is freaking sexy.
This is why I think women are dumb as heck. (Leia kissed her brother for crying out loud!) We claim that we would just be so happy if only we had a kind, faithful, generous, sweet, open, gentle, caring man to hold our hand and rub our shoulders after a stressful day. Well HELLO. There are guys like that all around us and everyone knows they are not the ones we go for.
Let me give you a lovely personal example to demonstrate.
My first boyfriend ever (well sort of)
Let's call him Mr. Musical.
This was my sophomore year of high school. I wasn't 16 yet, so i couldn't technically have a boyfriend. Mr. Musical and I started instant messaging after i stole his email address from my brother (they were xbox live halo buddies). We really hit it off. Well, as much as you can with chatting. He was also in my english class and sometimes he said hi to me, and sometimes I laughed at his jokes.
Mr. Musical was the first boy I ever liked who actually liked me back. I was thrilled! He was everything I ever wanted. Smart, funny, talented, handsome, sweet, nice to his sister, never cussed or told dirty jokes...sigh. He also played the drums for my jazz choir. Sigh again. After about a month of chatting online we started talking to each other in class and then he started inviting me to hang out with him and walking me to my car and giving me rides home etc. and everything was going great...
Until valentines day. yay. First time I had ever NOT been single on this horrible holiday. When I got to school i opened my locker to find a stuffed animal, a poem, flowers, and a big heart-shaped box filled with dark chocolates (my favorite). At first i was pleasantly surprised. And then I realized I hadn't gotten him anything. (I know I know I am a horrible person) After first period Mr. Musical came up to me and asked if I liked his gifts. I told him they were great and I started to explain to him that i forgot to get him anything but he cut me off and told me to follow him somewhere. He took me to his locker and opened it up and inside was a vase full of all different colors of roses. it was beautiful. and it was the death of our relationship.
i went home that day thinking, oh my goodness he is such a sap, he likes me way more than i like him, I've totally got him wrapped around my finger, how in the heck am I going to get rid of him?
See like many girls, I've played the game. At first the goal is to win him over, make him like you. But once you've won, its boring because there's no challenge or mystery. So then the game turns evil and the goal is to get rid of him. The sad part is that nice guys are especially vulnerable to these mind games.
(on a side note, the title of my blog is extremely relevant to this topic. If you know anything about female praying mantises then you know exactly what I'm talking about)
Anyway, the point is that I thought I wanted Mr. Musical to write me poems and give me flowers and chocolates on valentines day but to be honest that is the reason why i broke up with him. I thought i wanted someone to adore me and only me but in reality I wanted someone to ignore me, adore me, ignore me adore me, ignore me, adore me, and so on. Its the only way I would stay interested. And that is the definition of a jerk.
So maybe at this point I should clarify that not all women are this way. In fact, I'm not even sure MOST women are this way. I'm only sure that I'M this way and I hate it. It happens over and over again too. I think I like someone and I date them and then suddenly, as soon as I am certain they like me and only me, I'm not interested anymore. Its ridiculous. Especially because I've dated a lot of really awesome guys.
Well I think I'm getting really off topic here. So to wrap it up, I'm going to name a few ways that guys can be "nice" but still keep a girl interested like a jerk would (this is so i feel somewhat useful in writing this post):
1. He talks to other girls besides me. This is a big one. I hate it when a guy is interested in me and will talk to only me all the time and then when I reject him and he starts liking my roommate he stops talking to me at all and only talks to my roommate. Its not because I'm jealous, I promise. I just think it is super dumb to ignore anyone. ever. If he talks to other girls too it shows that he cares about people in general, which is really awesome, and it also kind of keeps me interested because I know he's not obsessing over me all the time.
2. He wont sacrifice important things just to hang out with me. This shows he is responsible and that I am not the ONLY thing on his mind, which, once again, will keep me interested. Besides, love should make you do better in life, not worse.
3. He is a gentleman to EVERY girl. I love when a guy opens the door for me or places his hand on the small of my back to guide me through a crowd of people. But I love it even more when he is willing to give every girl that courtesy, just because she is a woman and she deserves it.
4. He talks about other things besides me, our relationship, dating in general, marriage, or flirting. For example, his career. I think it is so sexy when a guy has a passion for what he's studying or what he wants to become. It shows he has plans for his life and that he is confident and happy with himself and where he's going. He doesn't need me to complete him, because he is already complete. He just needs me to make him even better ;)
okay that's all I can come up with at the moment. Man this was a really long post...